London called, but I blew it off, and instead hit the road for exotic Edmonton. I had a call-back for an audition for Cut Bank, a feature film starring John Malkovich, Billy Bob Thornton, Liam Hemsworth and Teresa Palmer. Shooting will take place in various locations around Edmonton, with the town of Innisfree, about 140 km east, acting as Cut Bank, Montana.

I was asked to try out for the role of ultra-smiley Chandra Blueford, the pretty local news reporter. The character is described as small town glamorous, ie, the girl who will always be overlooked for primetime news. I had already been through casting director Rhonda Fisekci’s rigorous first round, so when she asked me back a second time, I decided it was worth the drive to YEG. Actors in Hollywood might have to deal with LA traffic, but could they handle three hours fighting semis on the Deerfoot?

The audition was fun — I actually remembered my lines and didn’t have a meltdown in front of director Matt Shakman, who was super nice, btw. I wore my pink pantsuit to channel the crazed Nicole Kidman character from To Die For, but apparently I didn’t nail the small town glamor they were going for. It was down to two people for the role and I didn’t get it.

However, all was not lost, because, just north of the downtown core, I discovered the perfect accompaniment to my peg leg:Since Buckingham Palace is a long puddle jump away, this guy stands guard at a self-storage facility just north of Edmonton’s downtown core. He doesn’t say much, but don’t get him fired up. Because he has a rather large…… firearm! Sleeveless shirt, Armani Exchange. Jeans, Converse One Star “The Motocross.” Flip flop, BCBG. Key pendant, Tiffany & Co. Take a last look at the Aircast on the other foot, because soon I will be saying Adios.

Meanwhile, Cut Bank begins filming in Edmonton today! YEG paparazzi, start your engines and start clicking. I expect to see all kinds of photos of John and Billy Bob surface online as they live la vida loca in the Gateway to the North.